mental illness @ 30!

I think that I have always known that something wasn't right with me. The past 6 months have really confirmed my fear. Living with Bi-Polar is a constant battle, and I am loosing that battle right now. The thoughts of committing suicide, or drinking until my head shuts up, has been a daily thing, that I have wanted to do in the past 6 months. I have shut out family and thrown away my marriage. I wish my family could understand what its like to swing(moods) every few minutes. It really makes it hard to be around people. Then when they say "why don't you just snap out of it", it really sends my moods to the dark side. I have little patients in trying to explain to friends and family what BI-Polar is.